not suitable for suburbanites: a review of death by suburb

I haven’t had a book review on here in a while, but couldn’t resist writing about one I read recently. The book in question is Death By Suburb by Dave Goetz. My first confession: I didn’t finish it. Or to be more precise I couldn’t finish it. I was so repulsed by the writing I finally had to say I’d had enough. I received the book a few years ago from a free bin or something like that. After closer examination of the book I realized the book was discussing how to live in the suburbs and still be a Christian, not how to get out of the suburbs because they are ruining your life. As a result, I put the book off. I finally got the courage to read the book that said the ‘burbs were okay - something I was not okay with.  

My worst dreams were realized when I began the book, but Goetz kept making a few good points, and I would keep reading. The basic premise of his book is six “spiritual” practices to help you really live in the suburbs. I’ll get to the practices in a moment.

Of course the whole idea of the book doesn’t mean you have to live in the suburbs. The book more reflects the moods of a typical middle-class American. If someone has so much money they aren’t worried about their neighbors new BMW, because they already have one, or aren’t worried about their mortgage payment because they paid cash for their house this book isn’t for you. Neither is this book for you if you aren’t worried about your kid’s education or grades because they are already on a fast track to Harvard. This book also isn’t for you if you aren’t worried about this month’s rent, but worried about this week’s rent, or you are worried about sleeping in your car, or what food you may or may not be able to afford to eat today. Basically everyone else: this book is for you in some way – that’s why the middle class is so big.  It encompasses a lot of people.  

The book touches on the aspects of the toxic life that is suburbia. The life of having to have the biggest SUV (or maybe the hippest new Mini or Prius). The life of having 2.5 kids and a yellow lab. The life of green grass and great equity. The life of kids that have good grades and that are good at athletics. Goetz actually makes some important points highlighting the fact that we shouldn’t be envying our neighbors in this way. The envy causes us to have a mortgage we can’t pay for, high hopes for our kids that will never be met, or a SUV so big and with so little MPG that you actually have to continually fill your car with gas (much like a plane being refueled in the air).

This book is more about how not to be green with envy than anything spiritual or Christian. Case in point is Goetz’s third of his eight practices: friendship with the poor. It’s a practice that will keep you from envying your neighbors’ life Goetz states. And this is precisely where he goes wrong. Goetz goes on to write that to help yourself from envying your neighbor’s house, car, kids, or wife, you should instead look at the poor sap down the street with a junky house, a beat up car, dumb kids, and a wife he just can’t seem to get along with. The idea to not envy your rich neighbor is great, even the idea to not think about yourself or your ego. But of course looking at the poor neighbor down the street is only going to boost your ego and pity him. An idea I don’t recommend. There is nothing good about hanging out with the poor to make yourself not be envious and is only cruel when you have alternative motives.

Secondly, Goetz goes on to the subject of your kids. From birth parents are always saying their children are the best and the brightest. Of course, that’s fine until you realize they aren’t the best or the brightest and then it is just a letdown.  A true hit to your ego and parenting skills for sure. Goetz basically says you should be okay with your kid getting “C’s” or being so un-athletic they can’t even make the JV team.  He suggests that you should be okay with it because if your children are getting “A’s”, its likely that you are only happy because it makes you look better at PTO meetings.  The only problem is that this really isn’t the core problem, is it? I mean, is the kid trying? If the “C” he gets in Algebra is his best, then awesome! Why not be proud? But, if it isn’t than should we settle? This isn’t about being envious or proud this is about wanting your child to learn. Because in the end that is what it is all about and what is most important.

I think what really got to me was Goetz’s take on being a missionary. Today, much of Christian international missions are more about the missionaries themselves than about who they are helping. Not everywhere, but in most cases. Today, mission work is about partnerships and and building relationships. While working for the missions department of a small Christian denomination I learned that we were not going over to save the world, but to work with other Christians of the same denomination in other parts of the world. In places like Sudan and Nigeria there were already Christians, and often in bigger populations than in the States. There were also people who were capable of building wells for water, homes for families, and churches for villages. There was no need to have white Americans come over and do what they wanted to do, because the Nigerians had the same skills. It therefore was not about saving or building, but about relationships and learning.

This is the same with short term mission trips. A group of church goers that travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars each to go to a small village where they spend a week building something are not going because the native people cannot do it themselves, and it certainly isn’t for the money. It would be wiser to use all that airfare money and give it directly to the building fund or other project. The reason of course is for the experience - what the church group learns and gains and can bring back to their church.  

Back to my main point. Goetz meets a lady at a wedding that recently came home for a furlough as a missionary. He asks the lady how it must be so strange to come back to the States and just be okay and fine with how everything is.  The lady replies back that when she is in Africa she is in Africa and when in the States she is in the States. She learned to disengage. What!? And Goetz’ lesson from this?  That we should live according to where we are.  When in Rome and all that.

As if we should ignore the blatant health problems in one country while we are enjoying the blatant greed of another country. How could we ever be the same? How could we not want to change the world? How could we not beg our rich neighbors for all their money so we can give it to a few who need adequate healthcare or quality drinking water?  These are fundamental needs that we can easily take for granted.  How can we not be thankful everyday for the amazing blessings we have and not want the same for our neighbor?            

I don’t want to disengage from my neighbor – I want to love my neighbor whether he is a millionaire who I despise with a big gas guzzling SUV or a homeless man who smells and goes around collecting cans around town. I can’t just cross the street or look away from these people – I must be their neighbor.  

Goetz misses the mark in this book. Maybe he has been engulfed in the suburbs himself too long. His writing is like confusing Aristotle for Pauline’s ideas. Although they may seem similar in some aspects they are far different and engulf opposing worldviews. We can’t settle for Aristotle when we have Paul. We can’t settle for Goetz when there is so much more out there.