the trouble with conversation: the life of an introvert

Random person in discussion: “Justin’s shy.” [aka: he doesn’t like to talk]
Me in thought: “No, actually I enjoy talking a lot, but when you make blind statements like that why should I bother.”

Little known facts about me: I’m shy, bashful, and timid. At least that is what is written across my forehead or at least must be because people can’t seem to get over the fact that I am those three things. The phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover is often used in libraries and when meeting someone for the first time. Unfortunately in both cases, books and people are often judged by their covers. A person may never read a book that is perfect for them because they do not like the cover and a person may never be friends with someone because of the first impression they had of someone. I suppose that is why another famous phrase is “always make a good first impression.”

So I am shy and an introvert. That’s right, they are not the same thing. Good for you if you knew that. If not, I hope you learned something today. Someone who is shy is someone who is bashful or timid. The person may lack self-assurance and/or is easily embarrassed. An introvert is someone who draws their energy when they are alone (or in small groups) contrary to an extrovert who draws their energy from interacting with large groups of people.

The trouble with conversation sometimes has nothing to do with the introvert, but the person talking to the introvert. I often hear extroverts boast about their skills of talking with people, and yet stumble when trying to talk to introverts. Once again, an introvert is not someone who doesn’t like to talk; they just draw their energy from being alone. A great example is myself. I love to talk and converse with people, but often find that people have trouble having a conversation with me. Why? Well, me being timid may have something to do with that. But, that doesn’t stop many people from having normal conversations with me. So, that can’t be completely it. I have two thoughts. 1) The person gives up and moves on. They discover that they cannot talk to this person with ease and move on to someone more familiar. 2) The person has conversation ADD. It’s a “technical” term for when someone cannot keep a conversation on one topic or with one person, but has to continually be moving from one subject to another or to another person without any real intent to a conversation.

Often introverts are left in the dust in conversations, yet are just as excited as extroverts to talk with others. Just because I am shy and bashful does not mean I do not enjoy to converse. Much like extroverts I even gain energy from it.

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disclosure: this post may make no sense.