ghosts of communications failed

[Some exciting news for the day. For the first time I have a guest blogger. Without further ado here is Jess.]

I’ve recently seen several films dealing with relationships. More specifically, relationships in trouble. This past weekend, we went to see the new Matthew McConaughey film, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. The primary reason for seeing this film was because the chapel where we were married (the Martha Mary Chapel in Sudbury, MA) is featured during the wedding scene. While it was really a kick to see our wedding location on the big screen, the plot was somewhat disturbing.

The main character, Connor Mead, uses women to escape himself. By going through relationship after relationship (most not lasting more than a day or two), he finds a way to avoid having to invest in another human being. So he drowns in himself. Drowns himself in his lust, desire to be wanted, and seeming inability to connect with a woman. The root of this problem stems from a middle school dance, where he couldn’t get up the nerve to ask his best friend, Jenny, to dance. Instead, another boy beats him to it. This disappointment, coupled with a seemingly unending stream of bad advice from his beloved uncle, set Connor on his path to self-destruction. Connor’s uncle teaches him how to coerce women, how to convince them they are worthy of attention (albeit physical) only to leave them moments later, and basically how to “get out” before getting hurt.

The second movie we watched was The Break-Up with Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston. It pretty much about what you would expect – a horrific break-up between two people who used to be so much in love. As the movie plays out, you find out that Vince’s character – Gary – is so used to getting his own way, and doing what he wants to do that he’s never bothered to make room for the needs of the people that he interacts with (which includes his best friend, brother and ex-girlfriend). Almost the entire movie passes (filled with some serious fighting, cheap attempts at getting attention, and jealous antics) before Jennifer’s character – Brooke- and Gary finally have the conversation they should have had after their first month of dating. She finally tells him that she feels like she carries the whole relationship, makes all the plans, does all of the arranging of details, and makes her life bend to what he wants. She’s empty – she has no energy left to put into the relationship because she hasn’t been cared for.

In both of these movies I shook my head and wondered what was wrong with the characters. In Ghosts… I couldn’t figure out what drove so many women to convince themselves that they weren’t worth more than a one-night-stand with Connor Mead. In The Break-Up it was just beyond me how people could be together, in a seemingly close relationship, without having honest conversations with each other. And how they could be surprised when it fell apart. It all points to brokenness and human frailty.

We are all broken. There’s no getting around that. And knowing that brings incredible freedom and significant responsibility. We are free to accept the fact that we are broken, get over ourselves, and do the best we can with what we have. You could also take advantage of this brokenness by reveling in being broken, deciding that attempts to summon yourself from the depths are in vain, and taking people down with you. Those are your two choices. Various characters in these movies exhibited the weaker option in obvious ways.

So, I suggest that you see these movies. And then think about your relationships. Don’t wait until you are a few years into a relationship to talk about the difficult stuff – start right now. When you learn to talk honestly with each other, you learn how to better support and nourish the other person. You learn how to listen. We all have room for improvement in this department. Be inspired by these movies to do a better job at loving your family, friends, and spouse.

~Jess