When it comes to Christianity these days, non-Christians don’t seem to be too enthused at the idea of Christianity. Faith and belief in a higher power - yes. The bureaucracy, hypocrisy, and all the guidelines, etiquette, guilt, etcetera that comes with it is just plain not worth it. As someone that does believe, I have seen all these things first hand and it’s not pretty. In fact, it is quite ugly and disturbing. When I see this or when these acts have been done to me I’ve stepped back from the institution or person(s) on numerous occasions. As a person who believes, I move on from the establishment, because I know the establishment is not what I believe in. But, for the non-believer is there a back door that they can enter because the front door has been closed to them?
At the end of my junior year I was criticized heavily by one of the Intervarsity leaders about not being any good at evangelizing and not bring enough people to Intervarsity’s Large Group on Thursday nights (Large Group was an evening of worship similar to a Sunday church service). I remember feeling that I had failed at being a good Christian and that I was not doing enough to be one.
Three years earlier I was at the beginning of the height of my involvement with Intervarsity. With no job my freshman year I had plenty of free time. I used my free time to attend prayer groups multiple times a week, was mentored by an upperclassman, attended two Bible studies, and ironically went out to do campus evangelism once a week. My second semester I was added to the Large Group planning team and was groomed to be a small group leader my sophomore year.
My sophomore year I did more of the same (minus the planning team) and lead a Bible study for one of the freshman groups. The small group never really expanded beyond six people. A low number compared to some, but it was a solid loyal group who attended the whole year.
My junior year I started a job so that I could pay for gasoline to get around town and pay for books. I also began some leadership roles in the residence hall I was living in. I still attended prayer groups and Large Group, but my time was now being mixed between Intervarsity, the residence hall, and work. It may look like my leadership role diminished with Intervarsity, and it probably did. That year I helped lead a book study through Intervarsity called More Than Equals. It challenged me, the people who attended, and it challenged Intervarsity. Many people in Intervarsity found race and faith something that was not important or core to their faith. I found it right at the center of my faith as an American Christian. That dilemma would come up again and again my junior year.
At the end of my junior year Intervarsity decided to completely change the way they did things on campus. Book groups like the one I lead my junior year were left on the side for a different method of grooming Christians. Large campus-wide prayer groups through Intervarsity were left out for individual small groups in the residence halls to decide whether they did them or not. The idea was modeled after a successful small group that did Bible study, prayer group, evangelism all within their group. The group was very productive and grew exponentially. With little success of the new model my senior year I deemed the change as a failure.
With leadership roles changing and only small group leaders as the main leaders, as a senior I was left without a senior role and the support of Intervarsity leadership. This leads us back to the beginning when I was left at the end of my junior year felling like a bad Christian. I still remember the talk quite clearly. I think the conversation was meant to get me moving and to make sure everyone I had ever had contact with made it to an Intervarsity Large Group. In the end it made me feel like everything I had done and worked for in the three years on campus was for not.
My senior year I was less involved in Intervarsity than I had ever been. Prayer group was left to the small groups and ours didn’t have one. So, there was no corporate prayer that year. There was no book club, because there was no interest for one. I rarely attended Large Group because of a coinciding class at the same time. All we had was a Bible Study and a poor one at that. I was disappointed at the (lack of) depth and focus the group had.
I did a lot of things through Intervarsity and it all ended with a short conversation at the end of my junior year. The issue had nothing to do with character or lack of service, or even a difference in belief system. These harsh realities of guilt and hypocrisy are real within Christianity and they are closing the front door to non-believers. Many people don’t even want to deal with Christianity - not because of what the beliefs are, but because of who the people are.
At the end of my junior year I was criticized heavily by one of the Intervarsity leaders about not being any good at evangelizing and not bring enough people to Intervarsity’s Large Group on Thursday nights (Large Group was an evening of worship similar to a Sunday church service). I remember feeling that I had failed at being a good Christian and that I was not doing enough to be one.
Three years earlier I was at the beginning of the height of my involvement with Intervarsity. With no job my freshman year I had plenty of free time. I used my free time to attend prayer groups multiple times a week, was mentored by an upperclassman, attended two Bible studies, and ironically went out to do campus evangelism once a week. My second semester I was added to the Large Group planning team and was groomed to be a small group leader my sophomore year.
My sophomore year I did more of the same (minus the planning team) and lead a Bible study for one of the freshman groups. The small group never really expanded beyond six people. A low number compared to some, but it was a solid loyal group who attended the whole year.
My junior year I started a job so that I could pay for gasoline to get around town and pay for books. I also began some leadership roles in the residence hall I was living in. I still attended prayer groups and Large Group, but my time was now being mixed between Intervarsity, the residence hall, and work. It may look like my leadership role diminished with Intervarsity, and it probably did. That year I helped lead a book study through Intervarsity called More Than Equals. It challenged me, the people who attended, and it challenged Intervarsity. Many people in Intervarsity found race and faith something that was not important or core to their faith. I found it right at the center of my faith as an American Christian. That dilemma would come up again and again my junior year.
At the end of my junior year Intervarsity decided to completely change the way they did things on campus. Book groups like the one I lead my junior year were left on the side for a different method of grooming Christians. Large campus-wide prayer groups through Intervarsity were left out for individual small groups in the residence halls to decide whether they did them or not. The idea was modeled after a successful small group that did Bible study, prayer group, evangelism all within their group. The group was very productive and grew exponentially. With little success of the new model my senior year I deemed the change as a failure.
With leadership roles changing and only small group leaders as the main leaders, as a senior I was left without a senior role and the support of Intervarsity leadership. This leads us back to the beginning when I was left at the end of my junior year felling like a bad Christian. I still remember the talk quite clearly. I think the conversation was meant to get me moving and to make sure everyone I had ever had contact with made it to an Intervarsity Large Group. In the end it made me feel like everything I had done and worked for in the three years on campus was for not.
My senior year I was less involved in Intervarsity than I had ever been. Prayer group was left to the small groups and ours didn’t have one. So, there was no corporate prayer that year. There was no book club, because there was no interest for one. I rarely attended Large Group because of a coinciding class at the same time. All we had was a Bible Study and a poor one at that. I was disappointed at the (lack of) depth and focus the group had.
I did a lot of things through Intervarsity and it all ended with a short conversation at the end of my junior year. The issue had nothing to do with character or lack of service, or even a difference in belief system. These harsh realities of guilt and hypocrisy are real within Christianity and they are closing the front door to non-believers. Many people don’t even want to deal with Christianity - not because of what the beliefs are, but because of who the people are.
